Character development

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It’s character development that even though 
i started watching titanic the night we broke up, 
cuddled up in bed with my teddy bear and a hot chocolate,
i stopped the movie half-way through, 
because I couldn’t stop thinking about this one song, 
so I played it out loud and started dancing.

It’s character development that right after we ended it,
I didn’t look at my sandwich in disgust and threw it away or up,
- I also didn’t keep eating it because now that I’m single 
nobody will look at my naked body so I can get fat - 
I kept eating it because it tasted like self-esteem and self-care.

It’s character development that after you said you loved me,
I didn’t say it back automatically or questioned it,
but just accepted it. 
Because even though there's no love between us now, I am loveable 
and I’ll still be desirable without someone telling me that.

It’s character development, that after you said you needed space 
I used the time to learn about rocket science, 
rewatching star wars and thinking about flying to space, 
because I won’t waste my precious time and dreams on (waiting for) you.

It’s character development, because once you left for good
and the house seemed empty and cold, 
I used my energy not to destroy memories and throwing tantrums, 
but to start moving furniture and rebuilding a home without you

It’s character development, that it’s okay for me
that you never wrote me a love song or bought me flowers,
because I’m able to create a melody on my own 
and I can grow flowers in my garden the whole year around.


It’s character development, that instead of listening to sad songs and crying all day
I listened to angry songs and went for a run, 
instead of writing desperate love letters I’m reading my course work, 
instead of staring on my phone I stared on butts of other people,
instead of sleeping alone in the empty bed I stayed up watching porn on the couch.


It’s character development that instead of feeling sorry for myself 
I’m feeling sorry for you.

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