Showing posts with label head. Show all posts
Showing posts with label head. Show all posts

“Why do you put your self esteem in the hands of complete strangers?” (Helena Bonham Carter) - Part 1 of 2

Lili

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Disclaimer: i'd normally apologise for a naked face or for my face in general,because - i won't lie - it is hard to post something on the internet, but that would absolutly destroy the whole point of the following article so just embrace the make-up-freeness and the imperfections or don't, i kind of don't care anymore)

We always try to be our best selves.
Personality-wise…sometimes….
Character-wise….rare….we’re not always as polite as we could be, as helpful, honest or as caring as we actually could be. Because we are lazy and self-centered.
But you know what we always try to be the best at? Looking good.

For most of us it’s a confidence-thing – the better we look, the better we feel,
we feel powerful and attractive and like we could get whatever we want because that’s how our society works – the better you look, the hotter you are the more you can achieve.

But why is that the way how things work?
Why do so many things depend on our appearance and not even on our perspective of it - if we like it - but we count on other people to like our face and body.
Doesn’t this sound weird to you?
Why is so much influenced by the fact that strangers find us beautiful?
I can give you an answer – because we think beauty equales happiness.

Bare in mind, Beauty is not a strict concept. It’s subjective, so basically we all are trying to reach a goal that’s not even defined.

Did you ever consider that even if the whole world thinks you’re stunning, but you cry looking into a mirror, their opinion doesn’t count in that case?
You can look like the love child of David Beckham and Adriana Lima and still be so unhappy that you want to kill yourself.
Beauty means nothing without the right mind set.
Others can say whatever they want, if you don’t see it that way, it’s wasted energy.
Now think about it. If the whole world thinks you’re ugly, but you like the way you look – which opinion matters the most?
And did this one thought ever cross your mind:
You are harsher on yourself than others
probably are and the mirror can lie.
Have a look.






For the sake of an experiment, what happens
when you actually do let other people
describe you and put your self-esteem in their hands? Watch this:














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read part 2 here
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5:08 AM , , , , ,

I'm not racist but [insert something racist]

Lili

(image source: 'If you are not angry you are not paying attention'
 www.thethingswesay.com;
22.06.2014)

Being a white girl from Germany, visiting another country often comes with sentences such as "So you're from Germany, what do you think about Hitler?". I used to get really offended by things like that because how could someone, just because of my nationality assume that I'm a racist piece of shit who runs around with their right arm up in the air? But yesterday's World Cup Match (Ghana - Germany) made me think. I've read so many extremely racist tweets, I've heard about so many people screaming pro-nazi songs and Nazi Salutes that I'm honestly not sure whether or not it's somehow logic that people ask me if I'm a proponent of nazism. The entire village I live in is covered in black-red-gold. And people still wonder why I'm ashamed of being a part of this nation. I know that it's not my fault what happened under Hitler's rule and I know that I can't change the fact that my great-grandmother could have been a nazi sympathiser (which she wasn't, props to her), but what I can do is helping to prevent history of repeating itself. But apparently, a lot of people still don't get that.

My favourite joke this year is definitely the Fifa campaign against racism. Several white people showed up at the stadium with their faces painted black and probably the worst thing about this are the people who lined up for a photo with them. I do not understand how Fifa have this massive "Say no to discrimination"-campaign but do not ban people like that from the stadium. Or from the country. Or from this planet. The fact that they didn't even bother to send security guards down to the pitch when this one guy decided to run onto the pitch and spread his nazi-messages during the match shocked me. Muntari, a Ghana midfielder, had to usher him off the field.
After I read on twitter about the guy being a nazi sympathiser I decided to do some research and found absolutely nothing on the subject. Well, at least not on any german websites. The only thing they wrote was something along the lines of "a young man ran half-naked across the pitch but didn't attack anyone, he looked happy and peaceful, praise him, such a great guy! 10/10, would recommend a friend!".

Reading yesterday's tweets, I realised that I must have slept through that one subject in school where they taught us that it's completely okay to make racist jokes because it is just some people's sense of humour. You are also not racist if you tweet the n-word several times as long as it happens in the context of the World Cup. Don't support Ghana? Let's make ALL the jokes about AIDS and poverty, let's borrow ALL the clichés, it's completely okay! You're just not a fan of their football team! Go for it!
And to all the people out there who are obviously not racist: Saying "I'm not racist but..." before saying something racist does not soften what you are going to say and with starting a sentence that way, you lost the right to speak to me.

I do not understand how after all that has happened, people still don't get the importance of this matter. White people do not get to decide when people of colour are allowed to feel discriminated, majorities do not have the right to tell minorities when to feel oppressed. It's really not that hard to understand. Don't be a piece of junk, think before you speak, don't let history repeat itself.

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5:27 AM , , , , ,

Life as a bra- Thoughts on supporting people 24/7 and getting thrown in a corner by the end of the day

Lili
It took me quite some time to realise that I am not a bra and won't let people treat me like one anymore. I tend to give more than I have and if someone asked for it, I would give them my last breath. It is not that I do not like being there for people- I mean that's like 50% of a good friendship, right? But the other 50% should be your friends being there for you, which is not the case in about half my friendships.
I deserve better. I deserve more than just the "Can you come over, I'm sad" calls.

I grew up with the phrase "Treat others like you want to be treated" and I still live after this, but what if I treat others so much better than they treat me? What if they won't ever realise that I am worth more than just the sad days? What if I give others so much that one day there is nothing left of me? What if one day people ask me "Who were your best friends when you were younger, who treated you like you deserve it?" and I won't be able to think of one single name, not even my own, because I was so busy being there for others that I forgot about being there for myself? No matter how much you love someone, you need to ask yourself if they realise how much you are worth. Did they ever say thank you? Did they ever stay up all night for you because you did not want to be alive any longer? Nobody thanks their bra in the evening. Nobody thinks "Wow, you did a great job supporting my boobies today". People throw their bra in the corner because it does not matter, because it is a matter of course, an object. You are much more than a bra. You are your own person and do not let people make you feel otherwise. Don't ever let others drown you by letting them hold on to your head while you are underwater.
By the end of the day, there is only one person you should love with all your heart, only one person you should give all you can; yourself. Remember to take care of yourself and if that means kicking someone out of your life even though you like them a lot then you go for it.

People say there's nothing worse than being lonely, but I'd prefer being lonely over being with people who forget that I need a hug sometimes, too. Sometimes you just gotta touch your own butt.
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3:14 AM , , , , , ,

Teaching kids the mighty No- How to not raise a rapist

Lili

I am currently doing an internship at a nursery school, meaning I am obliged to teach the kids stuff like how to climb trees without dying, how to tie shoelaces, that boys can like boys and girls can like girls and that everyone has the right to use the mighty word 'no'.
The other day, one of the rather difficult and aggressive five-year-olds (let's call him Peter), gave us a really hard time- He destroyed everything the other kids built, hit them, hit the employees and kept repeating these actions, no matter how many times we told him off. It is rather hard to bring me to a point where I get really angry with the kids, but Peter managed to make me raise my voice several times that morning.
Shortly after having a huge fight with another child, including some very rough slaps from Peter's side, he sat down on my lap. Hard. Provoking. And that was the point where my inner volcano erupted.
Me: “Don't you think you've forgotten something?”
Peter: “What?”
Me: “Asking me if you can sit on my lap.”
Peter: “Can I?”
Me: “See, you know how much I love you and how much I like cuddling with you but you were so mean to the other children and also to me today that I really don't feel like cuddling with you right now. I'd love to play with you later if you've apologized to everyone.”
No reaction.
Me: “Would you get off my lap now, please?”
Peter: “No.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Peter: “No.”
Me: “I told you that I don't want to cuddle right now, I would like you to understand that.”
Peter: “But I want to.”
Me: “But I don't. I don't like fighting with you, but I also want you to understand that when I say no, I mean it. Please go and play a little now.”
Peter: “No.”
Me: “When someone says “No I don't want that” you have to stop doing whatever you're doing. If I started pulling you on my lap when you don't want it, you would want me to stop, too. You have to treat me like you want me to treat you. Same goes for everyone else. Do you understand that?”
Peter: “Yes.”
Me: “Promise me that you'll remember that, alright? Love you.”
Peter: “I'm sorry. Love you too.”
That's the shortened version of the discussion we had on that matter. We hugged and he got off my lap and, to be honest, it broke my heart to be that harsh to him. But on the other hand, I do think that there is no “too early” when it comes to teaching kids about consent. It is important that even children understand how much the simple word 'no' can do. They need to know that it is their duty to stop when someone seems to be uncomfortable. It is as important as teaching them that they have the right to say no. That they can leave a situation when they are uncomfortable, that they do not have to hug or kiss people, even their friends or family when they do not want to. So when you hug them and you realise they do not want to be hugged right now, let them go and tell them that they are allowed to say no, that they need to say no. It can start off with something as simple as tickling. When they say 'stop', stop. Even if you know that it is part of the game. Start again if they tell you to, but let them know that they have a choice, that they have a say in this matter.
When they want to give a kiss to their best friend, tell them to ask for permission. Tell them “If she/he says no, we can go and pick some flowers for them”.
If you work with children like I do or even have one yourself, you know that even things like diaper changing or helping them on the toilet requires consent. Ask “Are you okay with me changing your nappies?” and if they say no, it is a no. Go look for someone the child is more comfortable with. It does not mean in any way that they do not like you or think of you as a scary pedophile or something, but changing diapers is an intimate thing that requires trust.

Teaching children at an early age that they have the right to say no
and that others also have the right to say no is important because they
will remember this forever. 
So if they do not want to sleep with someone at the age of 16, they know that they do not have to.
And if their partner does not want to sleep with them,
they are not going to go on a shooting spree just because someone
denied them their body because they know that everyone is in charge
of their own body.


So remember: Always touch the butt, but only with permission.
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4:52 AM , , ,
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