a fearless coward
i'm not afraid of planes or heights or traveling.
i'm not afraid of spiders or bugs.
i'm not afraid of people,
of breaking up or falling in love,
i'm not afraid of commiting to something
or leaving someone behind,
i'm not afraid of pain or hard times,
i'm not afraid of rejection or failure,
i'm not afraid of change
and death doesn't scare me.
i'm afraid of terrorising agony,
i'm afraid of endless suffering
and pain without a reason.
i'm afraid of giving in and being given up,
i'm afraid of getting lost
and never being able to find home again,
i'm afraid of waiting too long
and being too impatient to get where i belong.
i'm afraid of losing myself,
of getting controlled by something uncontrollable,
i'm afraid of insanity and illusions,
i'm afraid of being bored
and never interested in anything,
i'm afraid of never being able to love someone
and i'm afraid of never being loveable enough
to make people stay and put up with my flaws.
i'm afraid of being not smooth enough,
with too many sharp edges,
i'm afraid of being too plain to care about
and too outworn to be reread or ever rewritten.
i'm afraid of darkness without light and drowing.
i'm afraid of not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, of losing faith in myself, trust in other people
and hope in general.
i'm afraid of always falling, but never crashing,
i'm afraid of crashing without dying,
i'm afraid of dying without having lived
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