the clown that cried at night - Part 1 of 2

Lili 6:36 AM , , , , , No comments
Have you ever laughed so hard, 
you started crying? 

Have you ever felt pain so intense, a loss hurt you so much, 
that after days of crying, 
you started laughing at a funeral?

 Laughing and crying, two physical reactions that are sometimes impossible to separate.
"the sad clown" by Jordan Robin,; 14/11/14; http://www.deviantart.com/


I’m gonna be very brave right now and say something I strongly believe in: 
I think that most funny people are deeply unhappy.
I think that there has never been a mental stable and content comedian. 
Everyone who claims that they are not broken, are just trying to block it out.

I know that cracking jokes about problems is so much easier than going through therapy and the dark corners of the mind.
I believe, that – no matter how cheesy this will sound - the clown wears his mask to hide his tears. I’m sure, that the clown doesn’t want to face reality, this is a way of dealing with struggle, and he needs the distance between him and his life through his jokes and the audience.

It’s important to remember, the one who cracks the joke isn’t the one who laughs.
Have you ever met someone who is really funny, not in an immature kind of way, but his responses are witty, his timing perfect, the whole act so well written and performed?
 - When was the last time you have seen this person laugh?
It’s not easy to make a comedian laugh - the depressed clown, this image itself is as funny as it is sad.

 But depressed people are #notjustsad. 
Sometimes they never seem to be sad, but hyper and energetic and full of life. 
Sometimes they can't get out of bed but still laugh about stupid tv shows. 
Sometimes they are talented and intelligent and beautiful and loveable and they want to kill themselves despite all that. 
Sometimes they don't even want to end their life, just end the boredom and the constant loneliness, Sometimes they are out every night and dance until sunrise, 
sometimes they are not able to get up and eat or shower. 
Depression is much more than sadness. It's not a mood or a choice or a lazy lifestyle. 
Depression can be dark and pitch black, but it can also be bright red or a dusty grey colour. Depression comes in many shades.

It's not a secret that i am depressed. I stated it more than once here already. 
But just because i was diagnosed with it a few year ago, doesn't mean that i always know what i'm talking about. 
I don't know how you feel. 
I don't even know how i feel most of the time. 
I don't want to only live amongst depressed people, but the funyn thing is, i seem to attract them or they attract me, now more than ever. 
I'm talking about the sarcastic ones, those kind of people I always seem to like instantly and i can relate to the most.
The ones who wear their hatred for the world and their cynicism like a t-shirt, those who despise themselves almost more than they hate to appear vunerable or to open up, the men and women who are so self-aware and confident that they are able joke about their own failures and who are not afraid of presenting themselves as flawed human beings or to make a fool out of themselves.
I seem to fall for the people with an easy-going mentality, but at the same time such a dark and dry sense of humor that everything they say is a little bit morbid and twisted, but they are still clever and caring enough to not cross certain boundaries and are able to deliver it lightly and always to the right time.

That’s what's fascinating about high quality comedy: That it’s not fart-jokes or babbling about sex - it’s the sad truth hidden in one-liners and pain behind puns, it’s the fine line between laughing and crying that really hits home and triggers emotions.


I want to add something important, that kind of inspired me to write this: the hashtag #notjustsad on twitter (which is a good example of stereotypes about depression, like the ‘fact’ that depressed people can’t feel things, be funny or laugh). Go and check it out, let's raise more awareness about depression, let's erase stigma and let's not be shitheads.

No comments :

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments ( Atom )