Dont blink, blink and your life is over
source: http://www.listal.com/list/doctor-who-weeping-angels, 26.07.14 |
This might
be part of a doctor who quote, but it is much more.
Even though
this blog post will be about 'timey wimey' stuff,
I’ll try and keep the doctor
out of it.
Well, I can't
even promise that, because I’ll be mentioning the doctors that surrounded me in
the last almost 3 weeks and what they and the other patients told me about life in general and my life in
particular.
But first
things first. I’m not the realest.
I feel like the crossbreed of a human being
and a cartoon version of a very badly written sitcom character.
I live in the
moment, or rather I don’t. I exist in the moment, have no plans for the future
and it feels like i hit the snooze button of life too many times.
I spend 8 to 10h a day in
hospital, the rest of the day I’m sleeping.
I don’t really participate in the
thing you might call life anymore.
I’m on stand-by-modus, the world is paused and time moves in a
different speed.
My friends
go to uni, on dates, live their daily life in a nice apartment with their
significant other or travel around the world, changing their perspective of themselves and
the world.
I don’t do
any of those things. I wait, like I always do.
For the end of this, for the
beginning of that, for my dreams and hopes to become real, for the start of my perfect
life, while I’m already dying.
One blink
and everything could be over.
Two blinks
and I’m thirty, still single, no graduation, no new friends, no money, no job,
frustrated.
Three blinks and I’m sixty, alone, angry at and tired of life, even though it never really
happened.
Four blinks and I’m dead, without anyone being sad, because everyone
who once knew me lost touch and moved on many years ago.
I’m so
afraid of having not enough time.
'Our time is
running out, we can’t push it underground.' Yes, we need a bit of Muse in here.
Now is the
point in this blog post to give it a twist, to grab into the ribcage of this
topic and pull out the heart, filled with positive thoughts and motivational
quotes:
What I learned
in the last weeks is, that things change all the time and that 'time itself is a
bitch, it screws everyone'. Here you go, quote-fans.
But I also
learned, that running away from problems, always keep on moving and leaving
behind issues you might have to solve first is not the solution to anything and
will in fact make you unhappy and ill at some point.
Maybe you aren’t
18 anymore and the world doesn’t offers you everything you want on a silver
plate, but you have already reached some things in your life you can be proud of.
And you’ll get back on
track, maybe not today, probably not tomorrow, but eventually.
And you’ll do the
things your friends are all doing right now, but in your own time.
This is not
a race, but a marathon.
To quote James Cook: 'It’s not about the destination, it’s
about the journey.'
I’m a very
unpatient person. I always want things to be done yesterday
and every second I have
to wait for something, makes me anxious.
That’s something I have to work on.
Things
never happen when you feel like they should.
You won't find love, when you’re in
the mood for it,
dinner won't be ready when you’re hungry,
and to quote one of my favorite doctors: 'some people live more in 20 years than others do in
80.
It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.'
So dont think you need to
get married at 25, make some kids and get that boring job because you get paid
enough to keep that skeleton of a dream alive –
do it in your time, do it now,
do it later or dont do it at all.
Blink. Blink 182 times. Blink
as opften as you need to, give your eyes a break and rest your brain, because 'this
is one corner… of one country, in one continent, on one planet that’s a corner
of a galaxy that’s a corner of a universe that is forever growing and shrinking
and creating and destroying and never remaining the same for a single
millisecond.
And there is so much, so much to see.'
Give it time and
give it space.
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