On being honest and being harmful - the difference between being a good friend and being an asshole

Lili 4:03 AM , , , , No comments

It’s actually so easy.
Strange people who insult you? Ignore them.
They mean nothing to you and so should their words.
Friends or people, you are close to, that insult you? Make them to strangers.
Kick them out of your life, you don’t need them and they don’t deserve you.
Because there’s a difference between being rude and sharing positive criticism.
There’s a difference between
“I think you can do this better, maybe try it again and change xyz”
and “I hate your feathered wings, they’re ugly.”

Friends tell you what they really think about something
1. if their input stops you from embarrassing yourself or
2. stops you from making a big mistake that could harm you in the future .
They care about you and have your best interest in mind.
Assholes on the other hand, thoughtlessly present you their unqualified opinion, without considering how you could react to it or how it could make you feel later on.
They don’t care about you.

You probably asked for the first thing.
You wanted an honest opinion on something you work on. The other person answers respectfully, but maybe harsh. You deal with it and consider their advice or tell them, that you don’t feel it. You talk about it. Like two human beings, on the same level, equal.
It’s a dialogue.

You didn’t ask for the second thing.
They just threw it at you. Without respect, a harmful comment.
Probably pointing something out, you are already aware of.
And maybe something you have no influence on. You didn’t choose your wings, you got it from your parents and even they had no saying in this matter.
They don’t expect you to change it or to reply.
What could you even say?
‘Yeah, I’ve already known that for twenty years’ or ‘Oh, I’m sorry that my body is bothering you, how would you like me to look like?’
It probably doesn’t have any sense or goal at all, it’s unnecessary.
It’s not criticisms; it’s just a plain rude monologue.


Let’s talk about the consequences: Thanks to the freedom of speech, which at least exists in my country (thank you for that by the way), you can basically say or write anything as long as you can deal with the aftermath.
So like i already pointed out, I’d probably just drop the person who insulted me and that’s what they would have to live with.
But the other day as we had a conversation about this topic, a friend of mine (shout-out to Petyr – I told you I’d name you) added, that this behaviour can also have a follow-up for you - you may adopt that ‘mistake’ and wear it as an armour or use it as an weapon against someone else.
I know you can’t always control those things, emotional reactions and the ways of the human mind are complex and weird, but however the misfeature of someone else impacts you, you have no right to repeat their way of communication and no excuse to hurt someone else, just because you bleed.

In conclusion: Saying something offensive or wraping the words in bubble wrap or keeping something to yourself isn’t about honesty or pretending to like someone or faking friendship or lying to someone’s face.
This is about trust and respect, the most important things in any human relationship, platonic or not.

You just don’t do such a thing in any working friendship.
Don’t you realize, there are no benefits for you or the person you’re insulting?
But thanks for letting me know, how you feel about my wings.
It’s very important for me, because now I can change it until next time we met.
Oh yeah, wait, I remember.
That’ll be never.

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