239 Days- What if I had tried harder and you loved louder?

It's been 239 days since you pulled me into your arms and kissed me for the very first time. I've been avoiding this stupid parking lot ever since, because how am I supposed to breathe when I still think I see you walking towards me again and again and again?
It's been 239 days since I've heard you saying my full name for the very first time. That's when I stopped introducing myself with my nickname because your mouth forming the name I hate so much sounded better than every Ed Sheeran song there is.
It's been 239 days since you said you loved me for the very first time. I remember how your skin felt on mine. I can still feel your breath performing this wonderful confession onto my neck.

You always said we were invincible when in fact, we ran out of I love you's like the Titanic ran out of life boats. And I was Mr Andrews, knowing that, if the ship sunk, this beautiful cruise would turn into a massacre. And just like Mr Andrews, I didn't do a thing about it.

The thing about false promises is that with every disappoinment, people love you less. It's like a vase that falls onto the ground over and over again, and it's okay to mend it with duct tape the first couple of times but at some point, you have to accept that you've been too careless with a precious thing, that there's nothing left to mend or save and you have to throw it away. Please don't throw me away. I still have duct tape left.

The worst part is the memory. I can still feel your hands on my skin, your lips on mine. Your laugh is my favourite song to be stuck in my head. How you squeeze your eyes shut when you laugh at me for saying something stupid or falling of the couch. How you said "It would be better if it was over".
The worst part is realising that I have to be my own hero now but where's the point in getting out of bed when you're not there to be proud of me anymore?

All I'm left with now is the memory of sharing the most beautiful feeling with the most beautiful person and all the mighty What-If's.
I wish I had tried harder.
I'm sorry.