love and hate

Lili 11:23 AM hate , love , poetry No comments

Stay

Sometimes i just wanna leave my bed

and open the window and scream from the top of my lungs:

I STILL LOVE YOU

But then I remember that I can’t.

Sometimes I just wanna open my door

and whisper with the tip of my tounge:

I tried to get better for you.

Most of the time I lay in bed and stay there

and stay

and stay….

stay…..
like you didn’t.

I’d break every bone in my right hand myself,

if that could keep me from writing about you

I’ll never be able to stop writing these letters to no one,
the unspectacular tales of

human beings that don’t matter in the big cosmos of things,

but that strangely matter so much to me.

I’m getting tired of not feeling better,

I’m getting tired of writing about you again and again,

like you are still in my throat,

I can still taste you and I just can’t get rid of you,

no matter how long or how often I talk about you.

I want to strangle myself

so that no more words about you will leave my mouth,

but I guess I’d even waste my last breath

on whispering your name.

I really like you, but fuck you anyways

I want to know how your hair smells when I nestle my face into your neck,

but I want to break it, too.

I can’t stop thinking about you,

and all the ways I could make you bleed.

I imagine myself taking care of you, stitching you together

and then ripping off your skin and cutting you wide open again.

I want you to know what my heart sounds like at 4am,

but I want you to crush it between your fingers, too.

I can’t stop thinking about you thinking about me

and how I poisen your brain.

I imagine you calming me down, fixing me

and then biting into my flesh and breaking everything inside of me.

You really like me, but fuck me anyways.

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