lily is not a flower.

Lili 7:42 AM 1 comment

You know how flowers grow and bloom and smell great and look beautiful?

Delicate and soft, sitting in the garden,

just waiting for you, handsome stranger, to be looked at and picked up?

I'm not a fucking flower.

And i won't bloom any time soon, due to your "love".

I've been blooming since the day that i was born.

Maybe you didnt notice.

Maybe you still can't see it.
But that's not my problem.

I don't smell great,

i stink of sweat and cat poop.

I don't look beautiful,

i look like a human being

someone who got over an eating disorder,

who wears their belly with pride and not shame,

someone with bags under their eyes

because i'm working at night,
doing something that i chose to do,

and you are in no position to judge that.

I'm someone with red pimples and bleeding wounds,

because i'm a living thing,
fighting battles and feelings.

I'm not waiting for you.

I have my own things to do,
i have a life, hopes and dreams,
i'm not your manic pixie dream girl.

And you are not a handsome stranger,
you are a creepy guy,
someone who thinks that he loves me,
but never even really wanted to get to know me.

Someone who left me when it got complicated

and didn't fight at all.

Stop loving the picture of me in your head,

because that girl is not real,

she's never even been alive.

she's a product of you sleepless nights and too many drinks,

a distorted figure,

a unrealistic picture loosely based on my existence.

I'm a depressed troll nightmare woman

and you are a little boy trapped in a grown man's body,

wanting something from me, that i won't and that i can't offer you.

I'm not your future wife or the mother of your future children.

I'm not a fucking flower, that you forgot to water

and that's dying of thirst
and you're the only thing that will rescue me.

i'm a zombie walking through your mind
and laying in chains in a corner of your bed,
while you keep typing weird text massages,

restless and obsessed.

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