When he holds my hand and thinks about her- Thoughts on being more in misery than in love
hand
,
heart
,
henni
,
lili
,
unrequited love
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You don't love me, I love you, you love me, I don't love you
You're
walking towards me, your blond locks framing your face. One beer in
each hand. I know one's for me, you always do that. Bringing me beer.
I don't really like the taste of it but I do like your smile when
you've done something nice for me.
you
don't love me you don't love me you don't love me. but maybe you do.
My
heart stuttered when you told me about her for the first time. It
hasn't started beating again since then. That's also when you stopped
calling. That's when our stupid little talks about everything
stopped. That's when you stopped picking me up at 1am because I want
to go to McDonalds. But that's not when you stopped hugging me like
you never want to let me go.
i
don't miss you i don't miss you i don't miss you. but maybe i do.
You
ask me when we would see each other again. I shrug. "Who cares?"
I want to say. "Who cares because you certainly don't". You
have to go back to her. She'll be mad if you're away for too long. I
wonder if you told her about me, if there's anything worth telling
her about me. After you've left I light a cigarette but I throw it
away after one drag. And as the sun goes down I realise that smoking
all these cigarettes won't make you leave her.
i
don't love you i don't love you i don't love you. but maybe i do.
I fucking deserve more.
I deserve it all.
I deserve not being a wildcard, just because you’re feeling wild.
I might tell jokes, but I’m not one
I deserve the mornings and not just the nights
I deserve the lunch and the dinner and I’m not just a midnight snack
I deserve fucking heaven on earth and not this hell you put me through
I deserve nothing of this.
or maybe I do
because I’m so fucking trusting, while you were just thrusting
and I opened up to you, way more than I should have -
maybe I deserve the heartbreak, because I didn’t play by your rules-
you told me your secrets and I thought we had something
but all you had was your hand down my pants
while you were looking in someone elses eyes
and all I had was a used condome, but never your heart.
and the worst part of it all – I believed it.
I thought I saw something, something more.
but you’re just a dick, nothing more.
I don’t think you have a brain and I can’t feel your heart.
the worst part is, that I saw the ghost of us and I wasn’t scared
but you were blind.
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