The case of the closet or the mysterious mystery of Lili’s sexuality
I've always
been fascinated by girls way more than by boys.
My first
celebrity crushes have been girls and my first real life crushes have been girls
too, even though I just thought that I wanted to be like them rather than to be
with them.
I did not
grow up in a particulary conservative household, but in a very religious
community and I never even knew about anything other besides heterosexual
people until I was a teenager with an internet connection and even then, I had
a very one-dimensional image of what “gay” people were and never met anyone
with that sexual orientation in real life.
Fast
forward a few years, Lili’s now a teenager, still very into women and still very much
not aware of that.
Probably
because I was more focused on my guy crushes, because I could talk with my
friends about them and relate to their guy-girl-experiences, while I seemed to
have no one I could talk with about my not very heterosexual thoughts.
Then other stuff happened and I was way too busy with almost dying than to be
thinking about my love life or the genitals of other people.
It took me
a long time until I realized that I could not escape my nature.
And it took
a very pretty, very gay girl on twitter, to catapult me out of the closet and
into the world of new possibilities.
I fell in
love.
And I
thought I might have been gay all along.
But I still
very much fancied men as well.
I had still encounters with men and boyfriends but then with women as well.
I had still encounters with men and boyfriends but then with women as well.
It took a lot of googling and talking to almost strangers, before I had the feeling that I found out what was “”wrong””” with me.
I’ve been
out of the closet to most of my friends and the closest family members for over
a year now and even though I’m not 100% comfortable with labeling my sexuality
as flat out bisexual, I’ve been working on accepting the fact that I’m right
now attracted to both men and women and still working on finding out, which
gender I prefer (which changes a lot on a monthly basis), mostly by making out
with them - which isn’t the worst way to investigate in a case, don’t you
think?
[Warnung vor explizitem content, nicht jugendfrei]
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