Needs and Wants

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What you need
I’m a now or never kinda girl
An all or nothing kinda girlfriend
Not an almost, never a maybe.

I’m not the person you message on facebook because it’s the afternoon and you’re bored in your room and in the mood for some light chitty-chat.
I’m the one you call at 4am, because you need me and no one else, the one you write to - first thing after you wake up, the one whose face you see before you go to sleep, because you want to continue dreaming about me.


I’m a yes-I-want-to, i-said-no-and-i-mean-it and a of-course-i-can- kinda woman,
not a we-could-try, I’ll-think-about-it or if-you’re-up-for-it human being.
I'm a full-time-job, not a hobby,
i'm 
cotton underwear, a ripped lace dress with army boots,
a of pile hand-written pages, sitcoms and a of bottle of anti-panic-pills, 
not a push-up-bra, fancy blouse or running shoes,
no glass of wine, postcard-writer, shot of vodka or high literature.

I’m not wife material, I’m life material, I’m not an accessory,
I’m a human being, the princess in the shining armour,
I’m not sunshine and rainbows, I’m a thunderstorm and mist.
I bleed rose petals and cry poison, I’m made of fairy dust and iron,
I’ll be your life saver and your death.

I can be what you need, but I’ll never be what you want.



What i want 
I always thought that my biggest problem in life is, that I don’t know what I want.
When you don’t know what you want, you don’t know if you like what you get.
When you don’t know what you want, you don’t know you how to react.
When you don’t know what you want, you’ll settle down for anything nad never try harder.
When you don’t know what you want, you never wonder, if that’s really it.

Now I know, that my biggest problem in life is, that some people don’t want me
to know what I want, because as long as I’m unsure, they can influence me.
As long as I’m unsure, they’ll pressure me into doing something (or someone)
As long as I’m unsure, the people who know what they want, have the power.
As long as I’m unsure, I have no control.
As long as I’m unsure, I won’t say no. or yes. Or anything. At all.

I always thought, that it’s a burden for people that I know what I want.
That I appear close-minded, unspontaneous, stubborn, boring, because I can answer their questions without thinking about it, without considering them or their optinion on my life.
If she knows what she wants, she won't compromise.
If she knows what she wants, she won't ever change her mind.
If she knows what she wants, she’s a stuck-up-bitch.
If she knows what she wants, she reached so much more than I did.

Now I know, that knowing what you want is more efficient and less pain for everybody.
Knowing what you want is confidence and reaching your goals.
Knowing what you want it self-respect and strength.
Knowing what you want is the abilty to tell others what you need.
Knowing what you want and expressing that, is a right you have.



What I want and what I need


It’s easy to know what you want, an iphone, money, sex,
but hard to find out what you need, a true friend, self-love, a nap.
it’s satisfying if you take what you want.
and it’s fun to try out what you need.
It’s frustrating to not get what you want, that one job, that one dress, that one girl.
but deadly if you don’t get what you need, food, love, freedom.
It’s good to know what you need,
but even better to say out loud, that you want it.

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