The 5 people you'll meet on tinder (and other dating apps) - Part 1

Lili 10:09 AM , , , , 3 comments


Someone told me yesterday, after we talked for hours about online dating apps and our experiences with them, that i should write a book about my adventures.
And that’s of course a terrible idea. 
I’m 21 years old, irregularly using dating apps for about a year now, and my experience is by far not enough to write a whole book about it.

So I decided to write a blog post* instead.

We all heard of them and i know that most of you are active users, too. 
I've seen you on there, don't even try to lie about that.

I'm talking about tinder, okcupid, lovoo, grindr...

Using all of my two brain cells, fundamental psychological knowledge and my past experience, here are the 5 people, you'll find on tinder 
(and even you'll fit in one of those categories).




There are 5 types of people out there:

 the sad-guy, the bed-guy, the mad-guy, the bad-guy and the ted-guy*.




[*guy is just a placeholder and can be replaced with human being/girl/non-binary person/anything your tinder-match identifies with most]



Sad-guy: 


a) He just got out of a serious relationship and thinks he’s ready to get back out there, but he's probably pressured by his friends to get back on the horse. He is emotionally still invested in his ex, smells the shirts she forgot at his place and strokes pictures of her when no one's looking. He's just sad at first, you have a few nice conversations, then he’s overly emotional, moody, appears to really like you, but one day he’ll confess that he’s not over his ex yet. What a surprise.
b) He's an outcast, the nerdy typ, quiet, shy, desperate for love, insecure, too scared to write first. He doesn’t get shit done, because his own insecurities are in the way. He's probably a nice guy, but too scared of rejection and failure to even really put himself out there.
c) He's mysterious, cynical as fuck, sarcastic, funny, hot in this indie/hipster way, probably an artist, talented. Beware, of course you’re fascinated by him, but you know that you’d have no future. He’ll drag you down and he’ll judge you for swimming back to the surface because you don’t want to drown. He can’t be saved, especially not by you. You’ll never meet in RL,but you'll probably write poems about him.
d) a combination of all of the above


Bed-guy: 

wants the sex, gets the sex

a) He's egoistic, wants to see your nudes and sends you dick-pics without asking. For someone who seems to have a lot of sex, he's terrible at it. He talks about his penis way too much, and has never seen a vagina up close because he can't tell the difference between the labia and the clitoris. (fuckboy)
b) He's great in bed, makes you cum and cuddles afterwards. Doesn't snore, showers afterwards, he's handsome and polite, the guy your mother would like. But he's not in the need of a relationship or a friendship with benefits and he'll be gone faster than he came.


Mad-guy:

a) I’m not sure what his actual intentions are, but he’s arrogant, thinks he’s better than everyone, calls himself an 'alpha male' and feels entitled to your love/body/attention. He likes to provoke pointless discussions and starts fights, is aggressive for no reason, questions feminism and basic human rights “just for fun”. He's always straight,white,cis and a “nice guy” (fuckboy), 
b) A troll
c) That weird, much older person that keeps looking at your profile and asks if you’re into big dicks.


Bad-guy:

a) He’s charming, funny, hot and has a cute smile. He's birthed by John Green but nurtured by G.R.R. Martin. He's intelligent, but doesn't show off with his knowlegde. You could imagine that he's a loving son/brother/(boy)friend, and would like to overlook that he's deeply insecure, fucked up, and with tons of emotional baggage that he won’t ever talk about. You write a few times back and forth, maybe even meet up, there's something between you, your friends see it, but nobody knows if he actually likes you. You fall in love, he gets scared,and disappears. He's the worst of all of them. 
(fuckboy tarned as the love of your life)
b) all of the above but he's open about being an asshole and doesn't try to make up excuses (like a dysfunctional relationship with his parents or a broken heart.)
I know it hurts, but forget about him, there’s no scared, sweet guy behind this facade and you will never be able to change him.


Ted-guy:

a) Ever watched himym?
He’s the one looking for the one, ready to settle down, but also open for anything, the love child of the bad guy and the sad guy. He's kinda boring before you get to know him, in bed average at best, he's reliable and financial stable, but he's just not the one for you. 
You stayin contact and maybe become friends
b) He falls in love with you, but you just don’t have any romantic feelings for him, it’s awkward and you don’t want to break his heart but you’ll have to eventually, don’t be a bad 
guy.

_________________________________________________________________________
* or a buzzfeed article

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