“Why do you put your self esteem in the hands of complete strangers?” (Helena Bonham Carter) - Part 1 of 2
beauty
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confidence
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happiness
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(
Disclaimer: i'd normally apologise for a naked face or for my face in general,because - i won't lie - it is hard to post something on the internet, but that would absolutly destroy the whole point of the following article so just embrace the make-up-freeness and the imperfections or don't, i kind of don't care anymore)
We always try to be our best selves.
Personality-wise…sometimes….
Character-wise….rare….we’re not always as polite as we could be, as helpful, honest or as caring as we actually could be. Because we are lazy and self-centered.
But you know what we always try to be the best at? Looking good.
For most of us it’s a confidence-thing – the better we look, the better we feel,
we feel powerful and attractive and like we could get whatever we want because that’s how our society works – the better you look, the hotter you are the more you can achieve.
But why is that the way how things work?
Why do so many things depend on our appearance and not even on our perspective of it - if we like it - but we count on other people to like our face and body.
Doesn’t this sound weird to you?
Why is so much influenced by the fact that strangers find us beautiful?
I can give you an answer – because we think beauty equales happiness.
Bare in mind, Beauty is not a strict concept. It’s subjective, so basically we all are trying to reach a goal that’s not even defined.
Did you
ever consider that even if the whole world thinks you’re stunning, but you cry
looking into a mirror, their opinion doesn’t count in that case?
You can look like the love child of David Beckham and Adriana Lima and still be so unhappy that you want to kill yourself.
Beauty means nothing without the right mind set.
Others can say whatever they want, if you don’t see it that way, it’s wasted energy.
Now think about it. If the whole world thinks you’re ugly, but you like the way you look – which opinion matters the most?
You can look like the love child of David Beckham and Adriana Lima and still be so unhappy that you want to kill yourself.
Beauty means nothing without the right mind set.
Others can say whatever they want, if you don’t see it that way, it’s wasted energy.
Now think about it. If the whole world thinks you’re ugly, but you like the way you look – which opinion matters the most?
And did this one thought ever cross your mind:
You are harsher on yourself than others
probably are and the mirror can lie.
Have a look.
For the sake of an experiment, what happens
when you actually do let other people
describe you and put your self-esteem in their hands? Watch this:
when you actually do let other people
describe you and put your self-esteem in their hands? Watch this:
Down days full of doubts or an open letter to Zoe Sugg
I feel pressured writing something about how to cope with pressure and how not to let the stress bring you down. Isn’t that ironic.
It seems to me, that all these things I want to say have already been written down hundreds of times.
But still, people feel the need to apologise for having negative experiences, for being not perfect or happy 24/7 or for not having ‘their shit together’.
And I know, this is no new information nor a surprise, when I say: It’s normal not to be fine all the time and it shouldn’t be a taboo to talk about it, if you’re feeling unwell.
We already know this, we’ve heard it already somewhere, but deep down in your brain you don’t really believe it or your parents taught you something else or you’re too embaressed to show weakness.
So maybe it needs to be emphasized more: It’s okay to feel down, to have doubts, to be sad, frustrated or angry.
Whatever it is, if it has an actual cause or if it’s a sudden mood, no matter what anyone might say, it is a legitimate thing and should be taken as seriously as you want it to be.
You as a human being have every right to feel the way you’re feeling.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to make “mistakes” and you can forget about anyone, who makes you feel bad for being “flawed”. I’m using quotation marks, because the things you may call mistakes or flaws are actually character traits we all have, some are only better at hiding them from you.
It’s hard, when you have a picture of yourself or the person you aspire to be in your head and you believe that you need to be a certain way to please other people but sometimes you just can’t do it.
You feel like a failure, like you disappointed not only yourself but millions of other people who look up to you.
The important thing is, you don’t.
Zoe, people don’t look up to you because everything you do is perfect and you are happy all the time and have everything together. That would be first of all boring and second of all it’s impossible. We like you, because we can relate to you and even though we may try to be more like you it’s comforting to see, that you are just as human as we are.
I personally think she handles all that attention and pressure so well and I’m very proud of her, despite the fact I don’t really know her and it actually doesn’t matter what one single viewer thinks anyway.
But I know that I’m not the only one, who respects her for what she does and she’s not the only one who feels overwhelmed at times.
And that’s the point of this post.
You, who reads this right now, are struggeling.
I know this, because I am too. We all do.
We all are trying to cope with change, confusing feelings and with finding our place in this world -If it’s about your future job, the person you fancy and you want so bad to be at their side right now or you’re tired and stressed and just want to go to bed – we all are trying to get to this one place in the world, that we might fit in perfectly.
You can work on some of those things, but you have no influence on others.
Accept it and it’ll lower the pressure.
Breathe.
I want you to know, that everything actually will be alright at some point.
Allow yourself to be upset. It’s okay.
In conclusion: our sense of perfection is the only thing that’s really imperfect and in the need of revision.
We are no robots, we are flawed and that’s why we should not judge, but respect and help out .
I hope that you’ll feel better soon.
I'm not racist but [insert something racist]
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head
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tw: racism
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(image source: 'If you are not angry you are not paying attention'
www.thethingswesay.com;
22.06.2014)
22.06.2014)
Being a white girl from Germany, visiting another country often comes with sentences such as "So you're from Germany, what do you think about Hitler?". I used to get really offended by things like that because how could someone, just because of my nationality assume that I'm a racist piece of shit who runs around with their right arm up in the air? But yesterday's World Cup Match (Ghana - Germany) made me think. I've read so many extremely racist tweets, I've heard about so many people screaming pro-nazi songs and Nazi Salutes that I'm honestly not sure whether or not it's somehow logic that people ask me if I'm a proponent of nazism. The entire village I live in is covered in black-red-gold. And people still wonder why I'm ashamed of being a part of this nation. I know that it's not my fault what happened under Hitler's rule and I know that I can't change the fact that my great-grandmother could have been a nazi sympathiser (which she wasn't, props to her), but what I can do is helping to prevent history of repeating itself. But apparently, a lot of people still don't get that.
My favourite joke this year is definitely the Fifa campaign against racism. Several white people showed up at the stadium with their faces painted black and probably the worst thing about this are the people who lined up for a photo with them. I do not understand how Fifa have this massive "Say no to discrimination"-campaign but do not ban people like that from the stadium. Or from the country. Or from this planet. The fact that they didn't even bother to send security guards down to the pitch when this one guy decided to run onto the pitch and spread his nazi-messages during the match shocked me. Muntari, a Ghana midfielder, had to usher him off the field.
After I read on twitter about the guy being a nazi sympathiser I decided to do some research and found absolutely nothing on the subject. Well, at least not on any german websites. The only thing they wrote was something along the lines of "a young man ran half-naked across the pitch but didn't attack anyone, he looked happy and peaceful, praise him, such a great guy! 10/10, would recommend a friend!".
Reading yesterday's tweets, I realised that I must have slept through that one subject in school where they taught us that it's completely okay to make racist jokes because it is just some people's sense of humour. You are also not racist if you tweet the n-word several times as long as it happens in the context of the World Cup. Don't support Ghana? Let's make ALL the jokes about AIDS and poverty, let's borrow ALL the clichés, it's completely okay! You're just not a fan of their football team! Go for it!
And to all the people out there who are obviously not racist: Saying "I'm not racist but..." before saying something racist does not soften what you are going to say and with starting a sentence that way, you lost the right to speak to me.
I do not understand how after all that has happened, people still don't get the importance of this matter. White people do not get to decide when people of colour are allowed to feel discriminated, majorities do not have the right to tell minorities when to feel oppressed. It's really not that hard to understand. Don't be a piece of junk, think before you speak, don't let history repeat itself.
'People are strange' - the doors
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metaphor
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About
being open (to everyone) and not close (to anyone) – the metaphor of the door
People are
like doors.
Some of them let you in, others never open up to you - and then there exist those that are a bit open, wide enough to place your foot inside the door frame or a hand or maybe your penis and they’ll stay that way for unpredictable time.
Sometimes those doors close within years, or you take your body part back and shut them yourself, sometimes they swing wide open all of a sudden or move quietly in the background until you accidentally stumble in.
Some of them let you in, others never open up to you - and then there exist those that are a bit open, wide enough to place your foot inside the door frame or a hand or maybe your penis and they’ll stay that way for unpredictable time.
Sometimes those doors close within years, or you take your body part back and shut them yourself, sometimes they swing wide open all of a sudden or move quietly in the background until you accidentally stumble in.
We all live
in a world full of doors.
Some people only have one door in their “house”, even though they never open it, others various.
Some people have one hand in this door, the other one in that, their left foot in one and their right foot in another and even their head somewhere else.
Some people are in the room behind one special door and will probably never leave.
Others are like hotel guests, spending short eternities or long moments in different rooms, never too long but always with their whole self.
Some people only have one door in their “house”, even though they never open it, others various.
Some people have one hand in this door, the other one in that, their left foot in one and their right foot in another and even their head somewhere else.
Some people are in the room behind one special door and will probably never leave.
Others are like hotel guests, spending short eternities or long moments in different rooms, never too long but always with their whole self.
His door
and my door don’t make a home.
There are times in my life, where I’ve find myself in a hallway full of doors, struggling to find the right one, ending up torn between different ones, my feet bruised and the bones crushed, my head full of different voices, but my heart outworn and empty.
I had homeruns, marathons, mazes, sprints and shortcuts, took the emergency exit or got kicked out, left with a smile on my lips or a tear in the eye, slamming my door loudly or closing it carefully.
There are times in my life, where I’ve find myself in a hallway full of doors, struggling to find the right one, ending up torn between different ones, my feet bruised and the bones crushed, my head full of different voices, but my heart outworn and empty.
I had homeruns, marathons, mazes, sprints and shortcuts, took the emergency exit or got kicked out, left with a smile on my lips or a tear in the eye, slamming my door loudly or closing it carefully.
Doors are
more than just options or opportunities.
It can be hard to decide which door to close and which to hold open,
when it’s time to leave or time to try harder.
I’ve been in many doors and many different stages, but never in the room behind it.
Nobody asked me in, on the other hand, I never invited whoever stood in my door frame.
The "door" doesn’t answer questions or talks back and is above all very mysterious to most people; most of the time you may not even realize who’s foot is secretly in your door, because you stare at the doorknob of someone else or he won’t notice on who’s doorstep you’ve been camping for weeks, sleeping there like a homeless dog , because he is busy drooling on someone else’s doormat.
Remember, that people are not only doors, but windows and walls.
Sometimes they have more to offer than you can see from the outside,
sometimes there’s nothing behind that door but old dust and hot air.
Some doors need to be first closed to open again, through some you’ll never fit, no matter how much you change. Others will grow with you or around you.
You don’t have to be open for everything, but try to be close to someone.
Don’t lock your door, but remember to change the locks every now and then,
don’t let a thief break in, but let someone steal your heart.
It can be hard to decide which door to close and which to hold open,
when it’s time to leave or time to try harder.
I’ve been in many doors and many different stages, but never in the room behind it.
Nobody asked me in, on the other hand, I never invited whoever stood in my door frame.
The "door" doesn’t answer questions or talks back and is above all very mysterious to most people; most of the time you may not even realize who’s foot is secretly in your door, because you stare at the doorknob of someone else or he won’t notice on who’s doorstep you’ve been camping for weeks, sleeping there like a homeless dog , because he is busy drooling on someone else’s doormat.
Remember, that people are not only doors, but windows and walls.
Sometimes they have more to offer than you can see from the outside,
sometimes there’s nothing behind that door but old dust and hot air.
Some doors need to be first closed to open again, through some you’ll never fit, no matter how much you change. Others will grow with you or around you.
You don’t have to be open for everything, but try to be close to someone.
Don’t lock your door, but remember to change the locks every now and then,
don’t let a thief break in, but let someone steal your heart.
The romantic thing about depression
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hand
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henni
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mental illness
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romanticizing depression
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romanticizing mental illness
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I can feel myself becoming a ghost again. I'm completely transparent except for the dark circles under my eyes. My feelings are transparent too, they kind of float around, I'm aware of their existence but I can't get hold of them. I used to run after them but I lost the energy to keep doing that. I lost the energy to keep doing anything at all to be honest. The mere thought of having to get up and breathe and live scares the living daylight out of me, literally. My inner light is fading again and I really want to cling to it but I can't, I can't mentally and physically.
I am so tired of fighting against my own mind, I am so tired of trying to force myself into a happiness that is more plastic and empty than barbie ever could be. I'm used to being empty, numb, but there's quite the difference between being a plastic doll that's pretending to be human and letting the emptiness consume you.
I can't remember the point where depression started to feel like home. It's like that one person you hate so much that keeps knocking at your door until one day you open up and this person seems more familiar than your own mum. And you let it in and start accepting that it's there and you keep coming back to it. Where at first it felt awful to have it around, you adjust to it and at some point you realise that having this thing you hate with your whole heart around is better than being completely alone.
I am sick of people who don't know a thing about my depression telling me that "it's completely normal to feel sad sometimes" and that I "just have to keep fighting" because no, that's just not the point, that's not how it works. First of all, sadness is one of my smallest problems. I'm not sad. I'm absolutely nothing. I'm Hermione fighting against the dementors: I practially know what to do, I've read about it in books and I've had millions of people telling me how to be brave and how I just have to think happy thoughts but I just can't, after all this time they still manage to paralyse me and suck out my soul and I just can't.
So now tell me, where's the romance in this?
Where is the romance in the hours-long breakdowns that leave me sobbing on the floor?
Where is the romance in my greasy hair because I don't have the energy to take a shower?
Where is the romance in the not eating because why why why should I?
Where is the romance in my parents calling in sick because they're too scared to leave me alone?
Where is the romance in knowing my therapist longer than my best friend?
Where is the romance in the doctor's appointments, the treatment centers, the loneliness?
The truth is: There is no romance. So please, please stop pretending that it's there.
I thought I was heartbroken, but maybe I was just hungry - The thing called self-care
You are your home.
You are the place and the warm feeling and your favorite song and that one colour that makes everything better and this wonderful moment in time, but most of all you are human.
You don’t belong to anyone but yourself.
You have the right and the obligation to do what’s best for you.
If that means studying abroad and traveling the world because you can’t breathe in your small hometown – then do it.
If that means skipping a class because you haven’t slept in days and your brain hurts from thinking about all the responsibility – then let it be.
If it means saying no and leaving people behind, because their hate feels to good on your skin or their love is smothering you – then that’s what you gonna do.
No one will be happy, if you aren’t trying to be.
You can’t take care of anybody, if you don’t start with yourself.
You should always be your priority.
If he doesn’t call, fuck him.
If he calls 2648 times a day even though you told him not to do that, fuck him.
She has no time for you anymore or maybe she just talks about herself all the time. Fuck her.
Stop caring more about other people than about yourself.
You should be your best friend.
You can’t fill your own emptiness with other people.
You need to be whole even when you’re alone.
You already are. I know you are.
You don’t need anyone, you are a masterpiece just like you are right now.
And if you don’t feel like it, work on it - Exercise, draw, sing, write, go out, eat, find a therapist, think.
Just do something for you, don’t accessorize yourself with other people just to numb your pain.
You are your own home.
It’s not the house where you parents live, your own flat or your boyfriend's chest.
You are the place you should feel most comfortable and happy at and in.
You should be able to be alone and be satisfied with your own company.
Your bones are a castle, the ribcage an armour,
your feet should be roots which keep you grounded and your hands connections to the world.
Let today be the day you take care of yourself.
Take yourself on a date. Eat the yummiest thing you can find.
Wear the thing you like the most. Wear it with fancy make-up or nothing at all.
Watch a scene from your favorite movie, take a look at your favorite book and remember how every page smelled the first time you read it. Sing along to your favorite song, remember how every word tastes like before you shout it out loud.
Step outside and take a deep breath.
You need to learn to love yourself, because no one else can show you the wonders of your own brain.
No one has to spend the rest of your life with yourself but you.
So you better make it a good one.
You are the place and the warm feeling and your favorite song and that one colour that makes everything better and this wonderful moment in time, but most of all you are human.
You don’t belong to anyone but yourself.
You have the right and the obligation to do what’s best for you.
If that means studying abroad and traveling the world because you can’t breathe in your small hometown – then do it.
If that means skipping a class because you haven’t slept in days and your brain hurts from thinking about all the responsibility – then let it be.
If it means saying no and leaving people behind, because their hate feels to good on your skin or their love is smothering you – then that’s what you gonna do.
No one will be happy, if you aren’t trying to be.
You can’t take care of anybody, if you don’t start with yourself.
You should always be your priority.
If he doesn’t call, fuck him.
If he calls 2648 times a day even though you told him not to do that, fuck him.
She has no time for you anymore or maybe she just talks about herself all the time. Fuck her.
Stop caring more about other people than about yourself.
You should be your best friend.
You can’t fill your own emptiness with other people.
You need to be whole even when you’re alone.
You already are. I know you are.
You don’t need anyone, you are a masterpiece just like you are right now.
And if you don’t feel like it, work on it - Exercise, draw, sing, write, go out, eat, find a therapist, think.
Just do something for you, don’t accessorize yourself with other people just to numb your pain.
You are your own home.
It’s not the house where you parents live, your own flat or your boyfriend's chest.
You are the place you should feel most comfortable and happy at and in.
You should be able to be alone and be satisfied with your own company.
Your bones are a castle, the ribcage an armour,
your feet should be roots which keep you grounded and your hands connections to the world.
Let today be the day you take care of yourself.
Take yourself on a date. Eat the yummiest thing you can find.
Wear the thing you like the most. Wear it with fancy make-up or nothing at all.
Watch a scene from your favorite movie, take a look at your favorite book and remember how every page smelled the first time you read it. Sing along to your favorite song, remember how every word tastes like before you shout it out loud.
Step outside and take a deep breath.
You need to learn to love yourself, because no one else can show you the wonders of your own brain.
No one has to spend the rest of your life with yourself but you.
So you better make it a good one.
Life as a bra- Thoughts on supporting people 24/7 and getting thrown in a corner by the end of the day
feet
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friends
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friendship
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self care
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It took me quite some time to realise that I am not a bra and won't let people treat me like one anymore. I tend to give more than I have and if someone asked for it, I would give them my last breath. It is not that I do not like being there for people- I mean that's like 50% of a good friendship, right? But the other 50% should be your friends being there for you, which is not the case in about half my friendships.I deserve better. I deserve more than just the "Can you come over, I'm sad" calls.
I grew up with the phrase "Treat others like you want to be treated" and I still live after this, but what if I treat others so much better than they treat me? What if they won't ever realise that I am worth more than just the sad days? What if I give others so much that one day there is nothing left of me? What if one day people ask me "Who were your best friends when you were younger, who treated you like you deserve it?" and I won't be able to think of one single name, not even my own, because I was so busy being there for others that I forgot about being there for myself? No matter how much you love someone, you need to ask yourself if they realise how much you are worth. Did they ever say thank you? Did they ever stay up all night for you because you did not want to be alive any longer? Nobody thanks their bra in the evening. Nobody thinks "Wow, you did a great job supporting my boobies today". People throw their bra in the corner because it does not matter, because it is a matter of course, an object. You are much more than a bra. You are your own person and do not let people make you feel otherwise. Don't ever let others drown you by letting them hold on to your head while you are underwater.
By the end of the day, there is only one person you should love with all your heart, only one person you should give all you can; yourself. Remember to take care of yourself and if that means kicking someone out of your life even though you like them a lot then you go for it.
People say there's nothing worse than being lonely, but I'd prefer being lonely over being with people who forget that I need a hug sometimes, too. Sometimes you just gotta touch your own butt.
Open your mouth but don’t swallow - The Importance of communication in relationships
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Prolog:
Use your mouth to communicate. Don’t swallow your problems and fears.
Mention the things, that are important to you and explain your concerns.
Chapter 1
the worst thing you can do to me, is pretend I don’t exist
Why do you ignore my calls?
…
Do you still care about me?
…
Why did you stop texting me?
Use your mouth to communicate. Don’t swallow your problems and fears.
Mention the things, that are important to you and explain your concerns.
Chapter 1
the worst thing you can do to me, is pretend I don’t exist
Why do you ignore my calls?
…
Do you still care about me?
…
Why did you stop texting me?
I’m busy
Chapter 2
the worst thing you can so, is not yelling or arguing, but stop giving a shit
the worst thing you can so, is not yelling or arguing, but stop giving a shit
Do you still like me?
…
What does this mean?
…
Is this something…or?
Idk
Chapter 3
The worst thing
you can do, is treating me like nothing happened
Are you mad at me?
…
Have I done something?
…
Is something wrong with me?
Nothing.it’s fine.
Have you given up on me?
…
Is…this it?
…
…
Who’s number is this?
The worst sound is
silence.
Epilogue:
Please try to say
what exactly you want and don’t be afraid to say stop, when you don’t don’t
want it.
Be polite and respectful and always say what’s bothering you and how you feel – don’t leave the other person guessing or expect them to read your mind.
Don’t toy with people’s emotion, don’t use them, betray them or abuse them.
Always be honest and end things properly, if it doesn’t feel right anymore.
Don’t be that asshole.
Be polite and respectful and always say what’s bothering you and how you feel – don’t leave the other person guessing or expect them to read your mind.
Don’t toy with people’s emotion, don’t use them, betray them or abuse them.
Always be honest and end things properly, if it doesn’t feel right anymore.
Don’t be that asshole.
Teaching kids the mighty No- How to not raise a rapist
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consent
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head
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henni
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I am currently doing an
internship at a nursery school, meaning I am obliged to teach the
kids stuff like how to climb trees without dying, how to tie
shoelaces, that boys can like boys and girls can like girls and that
everyone has the right to use the mighty word 'no'.
The other day, one of the
rather difficult and aggressive five-year-olds (let's call him
Peter), gave us a really hard time- He destroyed everything the other
kids built, hit them, hit the employees and kept repeating these
actions, no matter how many times we told him off. It is rather hard
to bring me to a point where I get really angry with the kids, but
Peter managed to make me raise my voice several times that morning.
Shortly after having a
huge fight with another child, including some very rough slaps from
Peter's side, he sat down on my lap. Hard. Provoking. And that was
the point where my inner volcano erupted.
Me: “Don't you think
you've forgotten something?”
Peter: “What?”
Me: “Asking me if you
can sit on my lap.”
Peter: “Can I?”
Me: “See, you know how
much I love you and how much I like cuddling with you but you were so mean to the
other children and also to me today that I really don't feel like
cuddling with you right now. I'd love to play with you later if
you've apologized to everyone.”
No reaction.
Me: “Would you get off
my lap now, please?”
Peter: “No.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Peter: “No.”
Me: “I told you that I
don't want to cuddle right now, I would like you to understand that.”
Peter: “But I want to.”
Me: “But I don't. I
don't like fighting with you, but I also want you to understand that
when I say no, I mean it. Please go and play a little now.”
Peter: “No.”
Me: “When someone says
“No I don't want that” you have to stop doing whatever you're
doing. If I started pulling you on my lap when you don't want it, you
would want me to stop, too. You have to treat me like you want me to
treat you. Same goes for everyone else. Do you understand that?”
Peter: “Yes.”
Me: “Promise me that
you'll remember that, alright? Love you.”
Peter: “I'm sorry. Love
you too.”
That's the shortened
version of the discussion we had on that matter. We hugged and he got
off my lap and, to be honest, it broke my heart to be that harsh to
him. But on the other hand, I do think that there is no “too early”
when it comes to teaching kids about consent. It is important that
even children understand how much the simple word 'no' can do.
They need to know that it is their duty to stop when someone seems to
be uncomfortable. It is as important as teaching them that they have
the right to say no. That they can leave a situation when they are
uncomfortable, that they do not have to hug or kiss people, even
their friends or family when they do not want to. So when you hug
them and you realise they do not want to be hugged right now, let
them go and tell them that they are allowed to say no, that they need
to say no. It can start off with
something as simple as tickling. When they say 'stop', stop. Even if
you know that it is part of the game. Start again if they tell you
to, but let them know that they have a choice, that they have a say
in this matter.
When
they want to give a kiss to their best friend, tell them to ask for
permission. Tell them “If she/he says no, we can go and pick some
flowers for them”.
If
you work with children like I do or even have one yourself, you know
that even things like diaper changing or helping them on the toilet
requires consent. Ask “Are you okay with me changing your nappies?”
and if they say no, it is a no. Go look for someone the child is more
comfortable with. It does not mean in any way that they do not like
you or think of you as a scary pedophile or something, but changing
diapers is an intimate thing that requires trust.
Teaching
children at an early age that they have the right to say no
and that
others also have the right to say no is important because they
will
remember this forever.
So if they do not want to sleep with someone
at the age of 16, they know that they do not have to.
And if their
partner does not want to sleep with them,
they are not going to go on
a shooting spree just because someone
denied them their body because
they know that everyone is in charge
of their own body.
So
remember: Always touch the butt, but only with permission.
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